”no matter what your spiritual condition is,
no matter where you find yourself in the universe,
your choice is always the same:
to expand your awareness or contract it.”
Thaddeus with friend during war
I was driven to some desperation during the war. I got extremely depressed. I flopped down on a cot and pulled a blanket over my head. The slaughter depressed me something awful. I stopped eating. I didn’t want to live anymore. I didn’t want to participate in this fucking human race. It was insane. In fact, when the first atom bomb was dropped, I thought if I were God, that’s exactly what I would do. I would give mankind the means to blow itself to hell. I got to a very neutral attitude that the universe is nothing but energy and there is no value in it – like in Existentialism, it’s all absurd. So in a sense, that was an important metaphysical decision. I agreed with God for the first time; I agreed with the cause, whatever it was, without wasting time wondering whether it was good or bad. So in a sense, I was having cosmic thoughts at the time. The war put me up against it where I had to decide if I was going to continue to live or not…
When I was in a hospital in England still in that state of mind, I got this very cheerful letter about the sun shining and the birds singing from a girl who i later married. I was so mad at her optimism.
I decided to continue living just so i could get back to the States and punch her in the nose.
(Interviewer : What turned you around?)
I can’t say there was anything in particular. I wasn’t even a seeker in terms of looking for an answer. The way I feel now is that the way I see the Universe is my responsibility. All of it is there. It’s an infinite range and all of it is within our capacity all the time.
Life contains paradoxes and contradictions. It can be anything, and that’s the terror of it, because we are creating it.
It can be anything we want it to be so we have the responsibility of playing a good game, of deciding how we want to relate to each other. It goes back to the Golden Rule of treating others how you want to be treated. There’s an infinite range of beautiful stuff happening out there, and if i don’t give time to the good stuff, that’s my trip. See what’s happening! (Ask) ”Who’s looking?” Just keep asking this question without trying to create an answer and you will get a flash.
“We are equal beings and the universe is our relations with each other”
” One of my psychedelic excursions had gotten off to a bad start, and I was
sinking into a really satanic bummer. As I looked about me at people turning
evil, shrunken, colorless, old and weird, I suddenly thought, “Well, what
did you think it was that needed to be loved?” And just like that, the doors
opened, and I was in paradise.”
“To be enlightned is to be in a state of flexible awareness, an open mind.
Enlightenment is the very process of expanding, not of arriving at a
different set of limits.”
Generally just Being. Nothing in particular, no claims to fame. I like gardening and the sea, nature, art in all forms from poetry to films and everything in between, and being in the company of my family.